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Quotes by George Carlin

Born: 12th May 1937, Died: 22nd June 2008
George Carlin was an American comedian, actor, and author.
Welcome to our collection of insightful and humorous quotes by the legendary comedian, George Carlin. Known for his razor-sharp wit and unfiltered observations on life, Carlin leaves no topic untouched. Explore this curated selection of his quotes that challenge conventional thinking, provoke laughter, and shed light on the absurdities of the world around us. From social commentary to existential musings, Carlin's quotes will undoubtedly entertain, provoke thought, and make you see the world with a fresh perspective. Don't miss the opportunity to delve into the unique comedic mind of George Carlin through this compilation of his most memorable quotes.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Read Summary

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Read Summary

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Read Summary

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. Read Summary

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Read Summary

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Read Summary

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Read Summary

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Read Summary

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Read Summary

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? Read Summary

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. Read Summary

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? Read Summary

Think off-center. Read Summary

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. Read Summary

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. Read Summary

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Read Summary

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? Read Summary

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. Read Summary

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. Read Summary

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Read Summary