That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. Read Summary
We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone. Read Summary
Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith - and that nothing has to be proven. Read Summary
Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD. Read Summary
I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me. Read Summary
I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible. Read Summary
The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own. Read Summary
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone. Read Summary
Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years. Read Summary
It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in. Read Summary
Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic. Read Summary
To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me. Read Summary
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. Read Summary
I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion. Read Summary
Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. Read Summary
You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture. Read Summary
My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends. Read Summary
On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed. Read Summary
Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends. Read Summary
What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt. Read Summary