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Quotes by Steven Wright

Born: 6th December 1955
Steven Wright is an American comedian known for his deadpan delivery and witty one-liners.
Discover a treasure trove of wit and hilarity with our collection of quotes by the iconic comedian, Steven Wright. Known for his dry and observant humor, Steven's unique perspective on life will have you laughing out loud and pondering the absurdities of the world we live in. Dive into this compilation and prepare to be entertained as Steven's deadpan delivery and clever one-liners leave you in stitches. From the mundane to the extraordinary, his quotes capture the essence of everyday situations with an unexpected twist. Get ready to embark on a journey through Steven Wright's comedic genius, providing endless laughter and a glimpse into the mind of a true comedic master.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. Read Summary

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Read Summary

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Read Summary

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Read Summary

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. Read Summary

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Read Summary

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Read Summary

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. Read Summary

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Read Summary

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Read Summary

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' Read Summary

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. Read Summary

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Read Summary

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Read Summary

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Read Summary

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? Read Summary

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Read Summary

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. Read Summary

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? Read Summary

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. Read Summary