If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. Read Summary
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. Read Summary
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. Read Summary
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. Read Summary
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? Read Summary
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. Read Summary
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. Read Summary
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. Read Summary
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. Read Summary
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. Read Summary
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. Read Summary
Never give a sucker an even break. Read Summary
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. Read Summary
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. Read Summary
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. Read Summary
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. Read Summary
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. Read Summary
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. Read Summary
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. Read Summary
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. Read Summary