Eighty percent of success is showing up. Read Summary
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. Read Summary
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Read Summary
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Read Summary
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Read Summary
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. Read Summary
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. Read Summary
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Read Summary
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Read Summary
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Read Summary
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Read Summary
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Read Summary
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Read Summary
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. Read Summary
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Read Summary
Marriage is the death of hope. Read Summary
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. Read Summary
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Read Summary
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Read Summary
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Read Summary