Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. Read Summary
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. Read Summary
Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. Read Summary
If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom, and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that too. Read Summary
Less is more, unless you're Al Gore. Read Summary
I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. Read Summary
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' Read Summary
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. Read Summary
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Read Summary
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Read Summary
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' Read Summary
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' Read Summary
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. Read Summary
People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand my complaint about them not understanding me. Read Summary
Since my earliest childhood a barb of sorrow has lodged in my heart. As long as it stays I am ironic if it is pulled out I shall die. Read Summary
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. Read Summary
The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. Read Summary
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Read Summary
I said that if an alien came to visit, I'd be embarrassed to tell them that we fight wars to pull fossil fuels out of the ground to run our transportation. They'd be like, 'What?' Read Summary
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty. Read Summary