I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them. Read Summary
Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce. Read Summary
Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening. Read Summary
My mother was a professional sick person; she took a lot of pain pills. There are many people like that. It's just how they are used to getting attention. I always remember she's the daughter of alcoholics who'd leave her alone at Christmas time. Read Summary
I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter. Read Summary
It's nice to finally get scripts offered to me that aren't the ones Tom Hanks wipes his butt with. Read Summary
I praticed making faces in the mirror and it would drive my mother crazy. She used to scare me by saying that I was going to see the devil if I kept looking in the mirror. That fascinated me even more, of course. Read Summary
I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater. Read Summary
If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression. Read Summary
I think I could go away tomorrow. I've already accomplished something. It's such a selfish business that sometimes I get sick of myself. Read Summary
When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one. Read Summary
I wasn't funny. My brother was the funny one in the family. Read Summary
Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous. Read Summary
I think I'm comedy-attractive, but it's never gonna be me and Charlize Theron up there. Read Summary
I wasn't very good in my serious acting class. Sometimes people took our class so seriously, so I used to, sort of, make fun of people after class. And so a friend of mine said, 'Why don't you do the comedy thing.' That's how it all worked out. Read Summary
The minute I started doing comedy, the doors opened. Read Summary
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Read Summary
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. Read Summary
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. Read Summary
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! Read Summary